Midi-what?
by HaveYouBeenAnAlumnus
Summary: The Force is discussed in a talkshow with Fodesinbeed Annodue. (You: Who's that?) Obi-Wan can't stop quoting other people and doesn't make any sense, Qui-Gon is being stubborn, Jar Jar, Palpatine and Dooku blow their covers, C-3PO is confused, Anakin has a big surprise about his father, Yoda is annoyed and Mace Windu doesn't appear in this story! WARNING: Star Wars quote overload.
_**Tonight: the Big Science-Without-Fiction Show!**_

 _ **Here is… are your hosts:**_

 _ **he… they have left the world of podracing to become … your host!**_

 _ **Fodesinbeed Annodue!**_

Ithorian audience member: "Who?"

Rodian audience member: "That two-headed guy from the podrace."

Ithorian: "Oh."

 _ **(Music: Mad About Me by The Modal Nodes)**_

Fode: "Helloooo Coruscant! It's me, Fode!"

Beed: "Bo shouda Coruscant, katala yassa, Beed!"

Fode: "Yeah, that's right buddy, what you said. Indeed, viewers, I have brought my second head, Beed, with me too! He's here for our dear Huttese audience members: Jabba, Gardulla, Ziro, and little Rotta The Hutt!"

Meanwhile, Jabba eats a frog, Gardulla sleeps, Ziro can speak English for some reason and Rotta vomits.

F (Fode): "Tonight is a very special show: we have two Jedi Masters in our studio!"

Audience (reading from autocue): "Ooooooh!"

F: "At this table, they will debate on The Force!"

Audience (reading from autocue): "Ooooooh!"

F: "On the left side, we have the Jedi Master who was trained by Darth Tyran… I mean, Count Dooku himself, he's back from the dead: Gui-Gooon… Jinnnnnn!"

Audience (reading from autocue): "Applause!"

 _ **(Music: Lapti Nek by The Max Rebo Band)**_

F: "Yes, yes, do sit down, Master Jinn. Tell us, how is business going at the Jedi Temple? Some people say the Jedi lost hope to find the separatist leader, Count D… I mean, Darth Tyranus?"

Qui-Gon Jinn: "There is always hope, my friend, though it often comes in forms not looked for. The key is knowing how to see it and seizing that opportunity."

F: "Yeah, right. Okaaay… uhmmm… Next is Qui-Gon's own Padawan: he is now a Master, old and wise, thus making this story an anachronism: Obi-Waaaaan… Kenobiiiii!"

 _ **(Music: Jedi Rocks by The CGI-Band)**_

Obi-Wan Kenobi: "Oh, come on, why did I get the Special-Edition music?"

F: "Yes, please sit down. Well, how does it feel to meet your old master again after all these years?"

O: "Always two, there are: a Master and an Apprentice. When I left you, I was but the learner, now I am the master."

Q: "Oh, come on, my Padawan, those aren't even your lines."

O: "Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!"

F: "Whoa, whoa, the debate hasn't even started yet and it's already getting hot! But tell me, Master Kenobi, what is the Force exactly?"

O: "Oh, the Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded."

F: "Okay, but what ís it?"

O: "The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, and penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together."

F: "But how is it then that not everyone has it? Master Jinn."

Q: "Well, it's very simple: the Force are actually microscopic life-forms in your blood."

F: "Microscopic life-forms?"

Q: "Yes indeed. They're called midi-chlorians."

Ithorian audience member: "Midi-what? Midi-Rodians?"

Rodian audience member: "No, he said mid-Ithorians."

Q: "Not everyone has them, so not everyone has the Force!"

Audience (not reading from autocue this time): "Gaaaaaaaasp!"

O: "I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of fans suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced…"

Q: "Oh come on, Obi-Wan, in the first movie you said it yourself!"

O: "My powers have doubled since the last time we've met, Qui-Gon!"

Q: "Good: twice the pride, double the fall! And would you stop quoting other people already!"

F: "Gentlemen, gentlemen, please keep the fighting for when the Sith attack! Hahaha!"

Audience (reading from autocue): "Laughter!"

F: "Now, let's get back to the subject: is the Force a life-form or an energy field?"

Q: "Well, there's more you see: the Force can make people pregnant too!"

Audience (also not reading from autocue this time): "Gaaaaaaaasp!"

Ithorian: "So do these midi-Rodians look like tadpoles, then? Mwo ho ho ho!"

Rodian: "Is it just me, or are we based on Statler and Waldorf?"

F: "Well, that's new. It can make people get pregnant?"

Q: "Yes, and I have an example of a Force-baby: Anakin Skywalker!"

Audience (again): "Gaaaaaasp!"

Anakin: "No, that's not true! That's impossible!"

Q: "Search your feelings, and you'll know it to be true!"

Anakin: "Noooooo, noooooo!"

Q: "There's nothing you could have done, Anakin, had you been there. You would've been pregnant, too, and…"

O: "Hey, you're quoting me now!"

F: "Anyway, impregnating or not, is it a life-form? Anakin, you are a very Force-sensitive boy, aren't you?"

A: "Yes, I'm the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy!"

Yoda: "Yeah, wish, you do…"

A: "You underestimate my power!"

F: "Yeah, whatever. Give us some blood, please?"

A: "Why?"

F: "Well I can't FORCE you, of course…"

Audience: "Hahahah-"

Jabba: "HOOHOOHOOHOO!"

Audience: (silence)

(some more silence)

A: "From my point of view, the Force is evil!"

F: "Just give us some blood, would you?"

A: "Alright, let me just take my lightsaber to make a small-OH MY ARM!"

F: "Oh, uhmmm… 2-1B! Come here! Yes… you'll be fine…"

Jabba, Gradulla, Ziro and Rotta: "HOOHOOHOOHOO!"

F: "Well, now we have some blood, at least. Let's analyze it, with SCIENCE!"

O: "You'll never find life-forms like midi-chlorians there!"

Q: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

F: "Oh, here's the result of the lab. We can see it here on the big screen."

Q: "Hah! I knew it!"

O: "Hold your fire, there are no life-forms aboard."

F: "Well, actually Obi-Wan is right! There is no sign of any microscopic thingies."

O: "So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view."

F: "Well, not necessarily, we haven't proved the energy field theory yet. My friends from the lab will come here in a minute to check if there's an energy field here."

O: "Oh, I'm afraid, young Fode, that the energy field will be quite operational when your friends arrive…"

Q: "Why are you saying that?"

O: "Are you threatening me, master Jedi?"

Q: "Uhm, no, I was just asking…"

O: "It's treason, then!"

Q: "Alright, you're not making any sense anymore."

F: "I think it's best if we take a break while we wait for the lab-nerds to arrive and master Kenobi to make sense again. A little speech from our dear Supreme Chancellor Palpatine!"

Palpatine: "When Tatooine sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They deal Deathsticks. And some, I assume, are good peo-"

Jabba: "Oothang gekoh! Aaaaah!" (pushes button)

Palpatine: "AAAaaaahhh…" (falls into pit)

Rancor: "RRROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRR!"

 _Electric sparks everywhere and evil laughter_

Rancor: "Uuuuuugh…"

Ploffffff…

F: "Uh, I think it's best if we get back to the debate again… Ah, the lab guys are there."

Jar Jar Binks: "Oooooh, hellosa Obi! Yousa gotten so ooooold! And Kwai-Gon! Yousa living!"

Q: "Please tell me I'm still dead."

F: "JJ, we were wondering if there was an energy field here?"

JJ: "Oh, yes, ennergi field! Like the one wesa used on Naboo to stop the droidies! Okeyday, mesa checking… Mesa plug the wire…"

KKKKKKZZZZZZZZZZZ!

JJ: "Oh yousa saved me!"

O: "No, I didn't!"

Q: "You didn't get yourself killed! Are you brainless?"

JJ: "I found the ennergi field!"

Q: "The ability to find an energy field does not make you intelligent."

F: "So there's an energy field?"

O: "Hah, I was right!"

Q: "Well, let's not forget that it was found by Jar Jar."

JJ: "Is yousa telling that mesa not to be trusted?" (evilly leans over to Qui-Gon with evil eyes, looking quite threatening but not really dangerous)

Palpatine (climbing out of the pit): "Ugh, oh… Oh, greetings, Master!"

JJ: "Yousa shut up! Mesa not knowing you."

O: "Well, didn't you give him emergency powers?"

JJ: "Oooooh, yes, uhm… mesa forgotten, heh heh…"

C-3PO: "I beg your pardon, is it here that I have to be for the energy field test?"

F: "Well, actually the scientist already arrived."

JJ: "Yeah, mesa real scientist…"

3PO: "I find that Jar Jar creature to be a little… odd."

F: "But why are there 2 scientists?"

JJ: "Hesa fake! Mesa real!"

3PO: "I beg your pardon, senator Jar Jar, but that just wouldn't be proper. It's against my programming to impersonate a scientist. And, master Kenobi, I don't detect any energy field."

Yoda: "Geez, is this going to keep on all night? Better things to do, I have! Accept, you must, that the Force explained… not can be?"

Q: "No, I won't accept this!"

Y: "That is why you fail."

Ithorian: "You know, I also have better things to do. Wanna hit the Cantina?"

Rodian: "That's the idea! I've been looking forward to this for a long time."

Ithorian: "Yeah, I bet you have."

Fode: "So, let's put it this way: the Force is magic! While Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon get pulled apart from each other, Anakin gets a brand new arm, Jar Jar disassembles C-3PO, Jabba eats another frog, wondering what happened to his Rancor in the fight from which Chancellor Palpatine still has to recover and everyone else has already left a long, long time ago, I have only one thing left to say: This was Fode…"

Beed: "Ouut Beed! Guta poyula!"

Fode: "Goodnight!"

 _ **(Music: Yub Nub by The Ewok Band)**_

 **Author's note:** Yeah, just some randomness. The idea just popped into my head and as I was writing the story got really weird. Well, I guess you get to choose which theory you believe!


End file.
